For twenty-seven years, Universal Orlando Resort has been putting on the number one Halloween event in the nation: Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights. For three years, this has been my least favorite event in Orlando. Thousands of people love Horror Nights and it is their favorite time of the year, Jay included. I am not one of those people. I don’t even like scary movies to begin with! I remember having nightmares as a child about the Wishbone Halloween episode! You know Wishbone? Talking dog that condenses classic literature into a kids’ format? I don’t know what it was, but there was something about glowing yellow eyes in the dark, and they thought it was a cat, but the cat ran away and there were still glowing eyes in the dark. I had nightmares for a week.
For the first two years I was in Florida, Halloween Horror Nights wasn’t even on my radar. I had heard of it, but I generally avoided scary things to begin with, so I certainly wasn’t going to waste money on it. Then in 2015, I found myself working at Universal and suddenly I got in for free. Oh boy.
I managed to avoid it the first year, but the second year I found myself there for the Horror Nights Team Member preview. Thankfully, some of our friends more or less ruined the night, and that kept me out of the houses at least. All I had to tolerate were the Scarezones on the way to Bill and Ted’s. Apparently, the third is year is the charm, and my Horror Nights luck had run out. Since I no longer work for Universal, some of my friends pitched in to get me a ticket.
Thanks guys.
Jay and Robert came up with this plan about a week before the Friday night they had picked to go. They’d already been a few times with their Frequent Fear Passes with Victoria and some of our other friends. Tuesday night Jay talked me into watching Trick ‘r Treat, which was my first mistake. I spent most of the movie being anxious about what was coming next, more so than being actually scared, and I was essentially fine until the final scene. I started having nightmares that night, but at least I’d recognize the characters in the Scarezone.
Jay and I got to Robert and Victoria’s house around 4 p.m., after a quick detour to Celebration for cookie dough. Victoria made dinner and then the four of us headed for Universal through the rain, optimistic the forecast would keep people away. I had fully intended to bring Duffy in with me, but he wound up staying in the car to stay safe from the weather.
I did a really good job not thinking about what I was walking into until we actually got to the gate. That’s when the mild panic started. I put on the bravest face I could muster and we headed to the right towards, “Festival of the Deadliest”, or as Jay and Robert dubbed it, “Sex Alley”. I’m with them; I kinda don’t get the theming. I had seen pictures online of the stilt walkers and other characters; one of my friends was one of the girls with antlers. Due to the rain and water on the ground, they had the Scareactors walking normally, instead of on stilts, and the set pieces weren’t being used. It’s basically a bunch of half dead people wearing animal parts and showing a lot of skin.
This is when I started to learn what may be the best Halloween Horror Nights survival trick for scaredy cats like me: if you have a camera, the Scareactors don’t go after you. They stop and pose instead.
[lgc_column grid=”50″ tablet_grid=”50″ mobile_grid=”100″ last=”false”]We made it through the Scarezone to the break in front of Mel’s Die In – next to the stage for Academy of Villains. We took a quick breather before we headed into Trick ‘r Treat, where yes, I did recognize all the characters. I’m not sure if that made it better or worse, but this was where I took my best pictures. The sun hadn’t completely set and the clouds and rain made for wonderful, misty photos. There was a prop of Sam at the entrance to the Scarezone and at the end, and two different versions of Sam walking around. There was a nice cute one with the burlap head and the scary one from the climax of the movie. There was also a nice set piece to the side with a vomiting animatronic. Wonderful effect, but I would have much happier if I hadn’t seen it.[/lgc_column][lgc_column grid=”50″ tablet_grid=”50″ mobile_grid=”100″ last=”true”]
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Of course this was the one Jay had to have his photo taken with.
The four of us then headed back towards ET to get in line for the Ash vs. Evil Dead house. According to my friends, it is the best of “IP Houses”, meaning the ones that are from TV shows or movies and not original concepts. I have never actually seen any of the Ash vs. Evil Dead movies or the TV show, shocker, but I do love Bruce Campbell. I took pictures of the car in the queue outside because Jay asked me to; apparently, it’s been in all of the movies.
We strategically put Victoria in the front with Jay second, me third and Robert bringing up the rear. This way I could pretend to be a koala and hide my face in Jay’s shirt without being the last in the group. Victoria even took my camera bag for me! We all put ear plugs in just before we reached the door, an old trick of Robert and Victoria’s. It keeps the sounds from the other scenes from spilling in to ruin the scene you’re in, and muffles the sounds of other people screaming in the house. I made it past the first two Ashes before I couldn’t look anymore, closing my eyes and hiding behind Jay. I saw tiny flashes of the rest of the house, but that was it. I don’t know if it was because I was slowing us down, or the line in general, but I know we were in most of the scenes long enough to hear the one liners twice.
As soon as we were outside I breathed a huge sigh of relief and pulled out the earplugs. I understand why the others like them, but for me, it made the houses worse. Since I already wasn’t looking, it made everything sound ten feet further away than it actually was and made the house more disorienting. Jay thinks it’s the best idea in the world, however.
We headed out past Simpsons towards the houses by Men in Black, and through a zone of chainsaw clowns. We have concluded they must have the most fun job of all the Scareactors and I even ran into someone I used to work at Kong with. At least I think that was the clown that said my name.
Our next house was Hive, an old house taken over by vampires. I made it as far as the creepy wallpaper that closely resembles the wall border in one of our bathrooms before I shut my eyes, following my friends blindly through the house. At one point I felt Jay pull at my hands so I opened my eyes, only for a figure wrapped in white cloth to lunge at me. I squealed and burrowed back into his shirt. We got to the exit at last and Jay looked at me, super excited, “Did you see the giant vampire!?” “Nope!”
Lucky for my friends, and not so lucky for me, Scarecrow: the Reaping had a short line so we jumped in there, the last house Jay hadn’t done yet. Robert and Victoria warned us that it was basically all jump scares, and not to bother looking at all. I happily complied and kept my face hidden the entire time. There was a tug on my halter top that scared me half to death until I realized it was Victoria, we’d swapped orders so she could follow over uneven floors. As soon as we were out, I had to ask about the plot of the house because I didn’t understand why Scarecrows sounded like bears. Apparently many of the scarecrows are made of animal parts.
Victoria decided it was time for a ride break and I was so happy to take a spin on Men in Black. It was a complete walk on so each couple wound up with their own vehicle. I am ashamed to admit we lost.
We then tried to head for Diagon Alley and the next Scarezone, but found our path blocked by the entrance to the Blumhouse. So we had to double back and go over the bridge, with a quick stop to reactivate their refillable mug and snag some PowerAde. The lines for the bars were much shorter than usual. The last couple of years Universal has had more and more issues with people drinking too much and hurting Scareactors, so this year they eliminated the specialty cocktails. Instead they only had the pre-mixed alcoholic punch and beer available.
We made our way into Diagon Alley so I could take photos of the dragon at night; waiting for her to breathe fire took longer than anything else. Jay, Robert and Victoria wandered into the robe shop where the boys complained about how much Gryffindor merchandise there was. Then we headed right back out to go see the Invasion! scarezone where aliens have crash landed on the Wharf. I felt like I was on the set of a Doctor Who episode and Victoria had come prepared with her Sonic Screwdriver. There’s a lot of cool detail in this zone and I wish we had hit it earlier while it was lighter out.
We made our way past Rictor’s and the sight of the Fast and the Furious construction into the Purge zone, arguably the weakest of all the Scarezones, as well as the loudest. We wandered through there for a bit and wound up ducking into Finnegan’s for a bite to eat before we jumped in line for Dead Water. Dead Water is an original house based around Voodoo in the Bayou on a Haunted Riverboat. Since both Jay and Robert work on the Magic Kingdom’s Riverboat, they adore this house and its Jay’s favorite. While we stood in line, they made me swear up and down that I would at least look at the Riverboat. I was told exactly where the first two Scareactors would be so I’d see them coming and could get past them to the boat. I am very proud I didn’t jump despite both of the swamp-things coming at me, and the River Boat was magnificent. For some reason I assumed it would be the same size as the Liberty Belle, Magic Kingdom’s Riverboat, but I then realized the Liberty Belle wouldn’t fit in a sound stage. I don’t know what the name of the Dead Waters’ boat is, but she took up the whole sound stage. Once we got inside, Jay said I could shut my eyes and I did, despite how difficult that made it to walk on the tilted floors. I don’t know where I opened my eyes, but I did at some point and another swamp thing lunged for me. I jumped and hugged onto Jay so bad I scared him! We got out of the house and Jay was so proud of me, this was the first house he believed I’d seen anything in!
We made our way to the final Scarezone, “Altars of Horror”, which was basically bits and pieces of all the Houses. We saw the two little girls from the Shining, some people from the Purge and just a random assortment. We made one last swing over to Sex Alley to try to find my friend with no luck, but at least managed to run into a large group of former Skippers so that was nice. We made our way back towards the entrance and made one final stop to say hi to our friend Lacey before making our way back to the car.
Halloween Horror Nights is a wonderful event, but it is not for everyone. It is certainly not for Chelseas. Now for the part everyone has been waiting for, the account of the person who actually enjoys this non-sense: Jay’s first guest post—
“Jay here. Since our intrepid, fearless Chelsea had her eyes closed for much of the evening, and only attended once, I’ll chime in with some additional details those with a more daring curiosity might find interesting.
This year, they relied less heavily on identifiable characters and movies. New, original houses that really told their own stories were more utilized, and had the stagecraft committed to do so excellently. Dead Waters and Scarecrow were both expertly crafted environments, where the Scareactors weren’t the only things to be appreciated. The houses themselves were so well put together that multiple pass-throughs resulted in new details being noted, and a level of immersion that put previous years’ Houses to shame. Halfway through Scarecrow, you aren’t even cognizant that you’re in a theme park any longer – the walls, the flooring, the attention paid to presenting and tricking your mind into believing you’re in an abandoned farm house, or a decrepit barn, surrounded by cawing ravens – it’s masterfully done.
Scarecrow was my favorite house, and seems to be a fan favorite for this year. It’s garnering a lot of attention and love, and the wait time this House posts supports that. Entering into that corn-field and the farm house and barns beyond, the scarecrows themselves do such an excellent job of blending into their well-crafted environment. The world they build is one of odd creatures, half-animal and half-straw, of deranged farmers crafting corpse-like golems that haunt the cellars and back-woods. It’s the scariest house, to be sure, from atmosphere to jump-scare.
Ash Vs the Evil Dead is a wonderful house, but it doesn’t stand alone very well. It seriously helps to have seen not only the movies but particularly the first season of the namesake. Ash is ridiculous, as is to be expected, and seems to be a hit with those who appreciate strong chins and quick, easy smiles. The monsters and ghoulies hidden in the house are right out of the series, and it is a very fun house. While it is fun, it is a tribute house and little more.
American Horror Story is a decent House, as it usually is. If you’re a fan of the series, you’ll get a lot more out of it than most. While I appreciate the first few seasons, I’ve not been a faithful fan in later years and therefore much of the back half of the house is lost on me. Fun, but niche. It lacked the charm and plucky character of Ash, and fell a little flat for me. Mind you, fans of the show adored it, so mileage may vary.
Chelsea didn’t have the closed-eyed pleasure of The Fallen, but I can attest to the open-eyed experience. Like the other houses, The Fallen put a lot of attention and craft into the presentation of a doomed landscape, a wasteland of gothic monasteries and cathedrals. Demons, bat-winged and spiked, bark and growl and threaten as they wander their pit. From a sort of blacksmith-esque dungeon, complete with forge and cells, to parapets with winged demons throwing themselves off of ledges (with some excellent theatrical work with bungee cords), the Fallen wasn’t necessarily the scariest house this year, but it’s clearly someone’s beloved house – a lot of hard work went into that stagecraft.
The Shining is a tribute house as well, but this one is much less niche. While it might not make as much sense to the uninitiated of Kubrik’s surreal slow-burn movie, it will still strike good fears. Familiarity with the source material will of course make the House that much better. Many beloved characters from the novel and movie make themselves known, and classic scenes are presented in such brilliant, lifelike ways that it’s akin to standing in the scene your very self. It’s the favorite of many this year and it’s clear why.
I could go in depth about the Scarezones, but Chelsea did quite well in describing them. Trick ‘r Treat is a snapshot of that strange, magical street where Halloween rules through ancient tradition, and was my favorite. The houses were some of the best I’ve experienced in many years, and I’m very excited with this change in direction that Universal’s Halloween Horror Nights has shown us. I hope they continue in this vein for many following years.
This year was one of their best in recent years, and I very much hope they maintain this momentum in original concepts. The lack of hard liquor being sold at the outdoor booths and tents was definitely noticed – for the best. The street vibe was more positive than in past events. While some of the Scarezones were a little hit and miss from night to night, all of the houses were enjoyable and memorable. If you’re the sort that appreciates a good scare coupled with some amazing set design, this year is a perfect year to go. If you’re a Chelsea, stick with Mickey’s Not So Scary.”
Cost: A single night will run anywhere from $59.99 to $83.99 bought in advance, over $100 at the gate. A Frequent Fear Pass, essentially a season pass for select nights, starts at $102.99 and goes up from there.
Duration: If you’re only doing one night, plan on staying for the duration of the event. If you’re going multiple nights, assume at least four or more hours.
Value: To quote Jay on this one, mileage may vary. For many, Horror Nights is Orlando’s must do Halloween event.
Add Ons: Horror Nights Express Passes start at $79.99 for a single night. There is a non-private RIP Tour that grants you access to every house once without waiting in line, reserved seating for Bill and Ted’s, valet parking, and express passes for the rides. It starts at $159.99. If I enjoyed this silly event more, I would probably try this.
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